~ My veil is stained ~

Manawa mein mere aandhi hai uthi ~

~A storm has risen inside my heart...I surge towards you, spell bound in your love.~
bas stubdh khadi hoon main ~and I am stunned~
Saanson mein baandh apani hi saan

~My breath is stuck within~
nishabd khadi hoon main:

~I am standing speechless~
Duniya se jeeti jeeti, khud se haari 

~I have won from the world, but lost to myself~
bas dhwast khadi hoon mein:(I am just standing shattered)

Aaina main aur aks main 

~I am the mirror and the reflection~

madmast khadi hoon main

~I am standing intoxicated~
Laaga chunari mein daag chhupaau kaise 

~How do I hide the stain on my veil~
Laaga chunari mein daag

 ~My veil is stained~
chunari mein daag chhupaau kaise 

~How do I hide the stain on my veil~
Ghar jaanu kaise

~How do I go home~
Cham, cham cham cham chamchawaat

~Its shining, sparking and reflecting~
antar mein gunje divas raat

~The pain is echoing inside me day and night~
Ek shunya shunya kapti vishal ~A zero and huge deceit~
maaya ka madhyam mantra jaal ~A moderate magical net of delusion~
Mann ki dasha se ladati main phirati 

~I have fought with the state of my heart~
vishwast khadi hoon main

~Still I am standing for sure~
Mari laaj main hoon, chunar bhi main hoon

~I am in great shame, and I am the veil~
chunar pe daag bhi main

~There is a stain on the veil~
Ho gayi maili mori chunariya

~There is lots of dirt on my veil~
kore badan si kori chunariya 

~The veil as untouched as my body~
Jaake baabul se nazarein milaau kaise

~How do I go home and look into the eyes of my father~

ghar jaau kaise

~How do I go home~
Main dhwast dhwast, main nasht pasht

~I am ravaged and destroyed, I am robbed and ruined ~of my honour~

main saral wirral, main ati vishishta

~I am simple greatly, I am precious~
Main shyam shwet, badal mein ret

~I am the dark and white, I am the rippling sand in the sky~
Nirajhar si jhari hoon main

~I am the rain that cannot pour down~
Andhiyaari raat, deepak main baati 

~A dark night, and a wick in the lamp~
Swapnil si khadi hoon main

~I am standing as if I am in a dream~
Kanchan ki kaaya apna hai saaya

~A body as brittle as a glass, and my own shadow~
Bas khud se dari hoon main

~I am just afraid of myself~
Lakdi mein geeti, thodi seeli seeli ~A song in the firewood, that is burning but hidden~
Tham tham ke jalli hoon main

~I have burned in intervals~
Main maaya maaya, main chhaaya chhaaya

~I am the delusion, I am the shadow~
Aatma aur kaaya main

~I am the soul and the body~
Nistubdh khadi hoon main, nishabd khadi hoon main~I am standing speechless~
Vishwast khadi hoon mein

~I am standing for sure~

And that stain on my being i said... He gazed into moi eyes and kissed it....It softly.... gently .... faded into oblivion...he gently whispered into my soul....how can it dare "face" your inner brilliance moi dear...look at me...even I surge towards you, spell bound in your love.....He whom they worship day and night....sits spellbound in your simple love...seeing the Radha and Meera ...

~merge ~ 

and 

Re~

Emerge~

~

....within same breath......

I wait with tears too....to see you dissolve within...

I....

K

E

P

T

Dissolving.....

And~

As i dissolved in the void of his light....

With a start....

I woke up....

it was in a deep yog nidra...

i was dreaming...

about this celestial presence....
A book lay in moi lap....i run moi eyes lazily at the lines on the page.....it was  a book by Henry Rollins.....Words....they stood up...as if they wanted to reach out to moi ...lest i wudnt notice....

I started running moi fingers around them....
"The moon will never lie to anyone. Be like the moon. No one hates the moon or wants to kill it. The moon does not take antidepressants and never gets sent to prison. The moon never shot a guy in the face and ran away. The moon has been around a long time and has never tried to rip anyone off. The moon does not care who you want to touch or what color you are. The moon treats everyone the same. The moon never tries to get in on the guest list or use your name to impress others. Be like the moon. When others insult or belittle in an attempt to elevate themselves, the moon sits passively and watches, never lowering itself to anything that weak. The moon is beautiful and bright. It needs no makeup to look beautiful. The moon never shoves clouds out of its way so it can be seen. The moon needs not fame or money to be powerful. The moon never asks you to go to war to defend it. Be like the moon.

”Somewhere someone is thinking of you. Someone is calling you an angel. This person is using celestial colors to paint your image. Someone is making you into a vision so beautiful that it can only live in the mind. Someone is thinking of the way your breath escapes your lips when you are touched. How your eyes close and your jaw tightens with concentration as you give pleasure a home. These thoughts are saving a life somewhere right now. In some airless apartment on a dark, urine stained, whore lined street, someone is calling out to you silently and you are answering without even being there. So crystalline. So pure. Such life saving power when you smile. You will never know how you have cauterized my wounds……"